The 2nd thing.

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 306

Miles walked: 840

Miles remaining: 160

Days remaining: 60

There are 2 things that are the hardest for me to leave with God. I keep giving them to Him over and over but I keep taking them back when I think I need to “control” them. I know.. “The things you worry about the most are the things that you trust God with the least.”

You know what my #1 is.. I’ve said it before and I know I’ll say it again. The thing I worry about most is my daughter (my chickie boo). The worry about her is just generalized. Parenting worry. It’s not that I don’t trust her to God, but I do worry about her and the decisions that she makes. I’ve gotten much much better though! I spend a lot of time in prayer about her and I know that she’s a good kid. I still can’t help but worry when I know she’s out with a group of teenagers… maybe it’s Them that I’m more worried about. I just know that it’s hard growing up and resisting the things that “everyone” else is doing.

The 2nd thing that I worry about most, embarrassingly enough, is money. I hate that I have to admit that, and I don’t worry about it in the sense that I need more and more and more.. but I worry about the long term security part. The part I worry about is knowing that I will always have a job that will support my household.

I hate how that sounds.

Let me explain.. A few years ago, we had some stressful times at work and my boss thought about closing.  He even said the words, “We’re going to close the office”. I literally had panic attacks. I felt like I was getting divorced all over again only this time it was from my job. The thought of going out and finding another job was just horrible. I’ve worked for doctors long enough to know that there are a lot of bad doctors to work for and only a few good ones. Some doctors are great at what they do but not great at being a boss. I just didn’t want to get stuck in a bad job after working in a great one for the last 5+ years.

That sounds a little better than just worrying about $$. I’m mostly worried about job stability in the quickly changing healthcare world.  AND obviously we didn’t close the office but it’s a thought that stays at the back of my mind.

Occasionally, a new healthcare law will pass that is going to effect insurance reimbursement or independent physician offices and my boss mentions that he doesn’t know how much longer we can do this. Every time he says those words, that thought moves back up to the front of my mind.

I have to be able to support my daughter, me, the cat, the dog, we have a house payment, a car payment, we kind of like electricity and water.. and food is on the list of important things that I need to be able to provide. I haven’t found a money tree that actually pays the bills yet and so I get a little worried.

We all know the verse… For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.~Jeremiah 29:11 In fact, I love the verse because it calms me when I start worrying about that whole job security thing. I’m sure that I’m not the only one worrying about this lately. Unemployment is not a fun thing.

I know you know what I did to help me with this 2nd thing… I repeated this verse for many many miles. I walked, and I prayed that God would be with me in my job and when or if it ends that He would lead me to what’s next. It still isn’t ending (yet) but a couple things has happened.

1) I started liking my job more again. I’ve always liked my job but I was feeling burned out and I wasn’t feeling as connected to my work as I used to. I was feeling like I’ve been doing this for 20 years and didn’t know how much longer I wanted to keep doing it.

2) God started a new path. It’s a path that I can start on now and keep working on until my boss decides that he is ready to close up the office. The new path is my “a future and a hope” that God has promised me.

There is a 3rd thing that I worry about… change. I hate change, but who doesn’t. We’re working on that too. We’re jumping in with both feet and tackling it head on! I can’t sit back and wish for a future if I’m not willing to grab hold and make it happen. We won’t focus on the 3rd thing though.. it’s just part of the process!

Call me crazy but just knowing that there is a plan for my unknown worries is somewhat comforting to me. Taking the step towards that plan and putting it into action is a whole other story but He’s there. God is there seeing this and every other thing through. He’s there to take care of my 1st thing and my 2nd thing for me because my worries won’t change a thing. He’s got this.

Seriously… He’s got this.

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