Posts Tagged With: journey

The Big Easy!!

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 362

Miles walked: 1000

Miles remaining: 0

Days remaining: 4

Before I give the wrong idea… let me just say that there is NO Big Easy. Whatever you want, whatever your goals are, it’s not going to be easy. Anything worth having is going to be hard work.

I finished my 1000 last week and let me tell you that it was an amazing feeling when I dinged 1000… and let me also tell you that it was 1000 miles of hard. It wasn’t easy. It was awesome and I would do it again and again but it wasn’t easy. There was no magic button on the days that I didn’t think that I could walk another step, let alone another mile. But there was Jesus every step of the way, He was there and at the end when my 1000 miles of doubting myself was lifted from my shoulders.

The next chapter of my life has me a little nervous. Not scared nervous but just nervous because it’s a brand new thing for me.  I’m going to open a nutrition club. I have worked for doctors for 20+ years and I’m going to phase that part of my life out during the next year and run a nutrition club. It shouldn’t be so different really.. I’ll be helping people get healthy from the inside out instead of watching them cover symptoms with medication. But still, it’s new.. so I’m nervous of change.   

Finishing my 1000 helped me have the confidence to know that if I lean on God during the next chapter, like I did during my walk, then I can do it. Maybe the walk prepared me, built my strength, renewed my faith, and gave me courage.

My devotion today was about Jesus healing the lame man who had been sick for 38 years. The man had been lying near the healing water, but didn’t have help getting in the water. The devotion didn’t focus on Jesus healing the man, but on the man’s excuses. The man was waiting on someone to help him instead of trying to help himself. He blamed the people who went ahead of him for him not being able to get in the water. 38 years.. Did he ever ask anyone for help? He made excuses for 38 years, until Jesus told him to pick up his mat and walk.

– Jesus told him, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!”~ John 5:8

Now it’s time to “pick up my mat” and go. It’s time to stop watching everyone else go by while I sit and think that I can’t. I’ve got to make the choice to get up and do what God has prepared me to do. It’s time to go after my goals instead of watching everyone else pass me by as they go for theirs. My life is changing and I can either jump on board and sail my boat with God at the wheel, or I can find another unsatisfying place where I’m just treading water day in and day out. (I think God has more in store for me that just treading water!)

There is still one thing that I probably fight God more than anything else. Accepting help from other people. It is so HARD for me. God has brought many amazing people into my life. People who inspire me, encourage me, and people who I want to inspire and encourage. I have always found it hard to ask others for help but I have learned that when God brings people into your life, sometimes He brings them there to help you. I’m definitely not saying that God brings people into your life to do everything for you so you don’t have to work hard to get what you want. Not at all… but if you’re going after your goals and trying to reach the dreams that God has placed in your heart, then maybe you should look at the resources around you instead of trying to get there all by yourself.

These people who God has placed in my life don’t wait for me to ask them for help, they offer to help me. Who am I to turn down the help from someone who God has placed in my life for possibly that one specific thing? Am I turning down help that I need when God has put it right there for me? That’s like turning down God’s help, right? So there is my struggle.

That’s where I’m at. I know that I can’t do everything by myself as much as I might try. God intended for us to do life with other people for a reason and then He puts specific people in our lives because He knows the plans that He has for us. His word tells us to love others and help others. So every time I don’t ask or accept the help of someone that’s right there and offering, it’s like I’m doubting God as much as I doubt myself.

There will be trials.. He tells us that. There will be hard work, but it will be worth it and rewarded in the end. There will be people along the way that are sent to do what God has led them to do and that might just be to help me at the moment that I need it most. So, again… When God is trying to help me and save me. All I have to do is accept it.

I want to thank everyone that has been on my 1000 miles with Jesus journey with me. You have supported this walk and encouraged my steps. If you were walking the walk and logging miles on this journey, I hope you never stop walking with Jesus. If you started but stopped and don’t think you can start again, you can! Jesus is waiting for you every step of the way. Don’t ever give up and don’t ever think you can’t because we Can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. Don’t doubt that. 

More than anything else, I want to thank Kristen for sharing this walk with us and letting us join her on it and I want to thank Tasha for taking God’s lead and bringing us all together or none of this would have ever happened. When God brings people like them into your life, AMAZING things are in store for all of you! ~ pam

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lessons learned..

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 355

Miles walked: 999

Miles remaining: 1

Days remaining: 11

Would you believe that I’ve still been wondering if I’m going to finish my 1000? I’ve tried to keep on track and caught up when I got behind but until it’s done, it’s just not done. The last few days have even caught me being cautious that I don’t twist something or pull something that I haven’t already pulled because you just never know. Someone even said, “you’re as good as done”… No, no, no.. Not until I hit 1000 miles will this commitment be met.

Sometimes we do that though. We think we’re done and so we kinda quit. We quit trying. We think we’re “good” so we quit putting in the effort. That’s one of the lessons that I’ve learned on this journey. You’re never done, so don’t quit. Don’t give up on anything that God has directed you to just because it wasn’t as easy as you thought it would be. Don’t decide that you don’t want to put in the work, so surely it’s not what God had in mind for you. Keep at it… at least until God changes your direction.

I’ve learned LOTS of things about me in the last 999 miles. I’m kind of a nut, but I think I already knew that before we started walking. I’m a “prove you wrong” kind of person. Say I won’t and you can bet that I will! I’ve said that I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal.. but I’m really not. I’m a planner. No matter how hard I try not to be, I am.

I’ve learned that neighbors are more than just people that live on your street. Some of my neighbors (my new friends) have watched me walk this walk. I have several that sit out in the mornings and wave as I go by every day. They were there at first when I was walking in the really really cold – we’re talking 2-3 pair of pants cold…  They have seen me  walking in the rain, walking in some crazy heat, walking in the dark, walking with friends, and always walking with Jesus. They wave, they cheer me on, they have even visited with me and offered me a drink. They are people that I would have never met if I didn’t start this walk.

I’ve learned that when I think I can’t go any further, I can. A little more strength is just a prayer away.

I’ve learned that no matter how much you think you can’t live with missing some TV show that claims to be “reality TV”… you can. You won’t even remember that show that you thought you had to watch, but you will remember the walk that brought you to your knees because God was working so delicately on healing your heart.

I’ve learned that another mile might mean another blister on my heel but it will also most likely mean peace about whatever is on my mind.

I’ve learned that no matter how late it is at night, and no matter how early that alarm is going to go off to get up and walk in the morning, it’s totally worth being a little tired to lay in bed and catch up on life with my daughter if that’s what she wants to do. There is nothing more priceless than her wanting to tell me what’s going on in her life. Those are the times that we share inside jokes that no one else would get but us and we think we’re hilarious when we’re really just two peas in a pod. Those are the memories that I will cherish and smile about when I think of her.

I’ve learned that Thursday is the smelliest day to walk… trash day.

I’ve learned that people will doubt until the very end. I suppose it’s in our nature, or maybe it’s come to be in our nature because so many things aren’t a sure thing. I grew up with a dad that taught me that a man’s word is something you can count on. If he said he would do something, it was as good as done. I like that quality and will always try to live up to it.

I’ve learned that I can literally spend hours thanking God. Hours. The people that He has brought into my life are amazing. The things that He brings me through and the strength that he gives me to handle life is such a blessing. The obstacles that He places when I’m not quite ready for what I have planned for me,  but then He removes when I am finally ready for what He has planned is nothing short of perfect.

I’ve learned that I’m not the person that I thought I was. I had a list of things that I let define me.. I’m a woman, I’m divorced, I’m a 40-year old single mom, a tired out of shape couch potato, an office working, over-weight, shy, homebody with a bad leg that won’t let me walk for long without hurting, so why put myself through that pain for nothing, I’m an unfinished project with no hope of getting done. I could go on, except I’m not those things anymore. I let myself be those things when it was a convenient cover to shield myself from anything outside of my comfort zone. I have held myself back more than any other person could and it’s taken more than a few miles with God to break that shell.

I’ve learned that without that shell of excuses holding me down, I am strong, independent of others but dependent on God, fearless of failure, determined to succeed, courageous to conquer any obstacle that stands in the way of where He leads me, and I am His.

I’ve learned that I’m not alone, ever.

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Stalling…

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 350

Miles walked: 980

Miles remaining: 20

Days remaining: 16

You may notice that I’m a couple days late with my blog post this week (or you may not have noticed).. anyway, I had a few thoughts of things to write about for Wednesday but nothing that would have gotten me more than a short paragraph probably. I mentioned to Tasha that I would be a day late, and now I’m two days late. She said exactly what I’ve been feeling, “The blogs are becoming so difficult to write”. I thought it was mostly me, but over the last several weeks they have become harder and harder to come up with something. I had the brilliant idea that maybe we don’t have so much to write about because we’ve given it all to God. I mean, we usually write about our life, troubles, trials, etc.. so if we’ve finally handed it all over to God and are just following His lead, then we aren’t letting it consume us and we don’t feel it’s a topic to warrant writing about, right? I hope that’s why it’s gotten harder to write… it’s either that or I’m just stalling.

From the decline of miles that I’ve walked the last couple of weeks, I would have to lean towards stalling. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to end the first 1000 miles, because I haven’t “committed” to walk another 1000. I’ve said I’ll keep walking and I know that I will but this week, when I slowed down and took a couple of days off and slept later, it was so easy to just sleep later and get up and get ready for work. No Jesus time. I read my devotions but it’s not the same as being outside with Him. It’s not as alive.

As I’ve been dragging my heels and delaying the end of this walk, I started thinking of all the things that God has brought me to and through in just the last year. The strength that I’ve felt come straight from Him, just when I needed it. The love that He wrapped around me at just the right times. The forgiveness that He showed me so that I could show others. That was just during the walk. He knew that I was committed to 1000 miles and I have purposefully delayed other things until I finished this walk with Him. So, what might be waiting at the end of the 1000? I’ve been wondering that for months.

I can’t imagine that God would put me on this path, and be ok with me not finishing it. I can’t help but think that there has got to be a reason that he started me on this road and it’s up to me to see it through. He has a plan and I ask Him frequently to show me the way and keep me on track, so I need to quit stalling and get ‘er done!

I’m a sucker for seeing what’s at the top of the hill or around the corner, so I’ll keep walking with Him until I feel that He has a new plan for me. I’ll keep walking with Him until the things that I feel led to do are being done in His time and not mine. It’s so much easier when I let Him lead instead of trying to jump in and do it when I want.

I have hope… and He has my future.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

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Not alone

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 327

Miles walked: 912

Miles remaining: 88

Days remaining: 39

Years ago, when I was going through my divorce, I prayed that God would be so present with me that I wouldn’t feel alone. Being married was all I had known and I didn’t know how to not be. He answered that prayer. In the last 8+ years, there has not been any time that I’ve been “lonely”. There have been some quiet times and some hard times but I have always felt His presence when I needed Him. I’ve never been alone.

Some weeks are harder than others to come up with a blog about what’s going on in my life. It’s not exactly because there’s nothing going on, but more that I just can’t put it into words. God is so present when I earnestly seek Him. He leaves me speechless with His works. I felt His presence so strong and was so thankful for it during the worship on Sunday. This song describes most of my life but even more so, it describes my last 11 months and 900+ miles and all of the changes that are happening in me.

“Never Once”

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

God has been there for far longer than I’m giving Him credit for. The deliberateness that this walk has provided, for a relationship that I didn’t even know that I was missing, has been the biggest blessing that I could ever have. I’ve learned so much about me.. about who I am, who I want to be, and what I’m capable of with Jesus by my side. I can see that with Him, there are no limits.

So, when I don’t really have much to say, it’s because I’m so busy watching what He’s doing in and around my life and there aren’t enough words to describe just how awesome it is. It’s amazing to know how “not alone” I am.

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Excuses..

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 320

Miles walked: 898

Miles remaining: 102

Days remaining: 46

Oh, I’ve got excuses all right. TONS of excuses. Lately, I have so many excuses, that I don’t even know what’s up with all the excuses. They don’t make sense, and they don’t help, and they’re honestly getting downright ridiculous.

You may ( or may not) have noticed that I missed my blog posting day last week.. and I have excuses for that! I don’t like not doing something that I’m committed to do. But, I think I just needed a break. I still do but things are a little more under control this week, thanks to a lot of seeking God on my walks. I’ve been seeking His help.

I’m really not an excuses kind of person.. I’m more of a “git ‘er dun” type of gal. Well, not this last week. I had excuses for my excuses and it was really starting to get out of hand.

I don’t even know when it started but I remember my Wednesday last week. Wednesday – the day that I can usually walk a little longer because we don’t have patients in the office so it’s not a big deal if I’m a few minutes late. Well… last Wednesday, my alarm went off and I was giving myself every excuse imaginable to stay in bed. I really didn’t feel good. My back hurt. My feet hurt. I pretty much hurt all over from the silly yard work that I did last weekend and my muscles were not loving the physical labor. My bed was too comfortable (this is the same bed that I complain about daily because I wake up with an aching back). I could skip my walk today, even though I feel better when I walk. It was my blog day and I didn’t have a blog post ready. I didn’t even have an idea for a blog post, so I needed to think. Of course, if I stay in bed, my blog post still isn’t going to get done. My miles aren’t going to get walked. I’m not going to get my Jesus time that I obviously needed more than ever. So, I got up.

But the excuses didn’t stop, they were literally piling up on top of each other. I did my morning thing. Got my walking gear on and started out… except I had to stop because the homeless cat that adopted our porch was waiting for me to feed him. Back inside for his food, and then I saw my next excuse. Ants. There were ants in his dish on the porch. I really don’t do ants. They’re so little and crawly, and they can get anywhere. I could just scrap the walk that I haven’t started yet and mix up some of my handy dandy bug spray that my dad gets me and spray the house because if there are ants outside, then there are ants everywhere, right?

I decided the ants could wait.. since I’d be spraying all around the outside of the house and it was 5:30am, so I wouldn’t be able to see anything! Back to my excuses walk. My body is still aching as I head down my street. I looped around to the street north of mine, like I do every morning and wouldn’t you know that my leg starts aching. Bad. My leg that I broke years ago that has the metal plate and screws in it. When it aches, it aches to the bone. I could just call it done and go back home when I loop back around to my street. Who would expect me to walk when my leg hurts?

Somewhere along the way I even thought that I should get back inside because even though I haven’t been bit by a single mosquito while walking these last 870+ miles, there was the possibility that one could bite me and then I’d be taking a chance on the West Nile virus and that would be no bueno… What is wrong with me?!!!

That’s about when it hit me. My little mental whine fest that I had been having with myself since the time my alarm went off. I imagined that God was getting a little tired of my “poor me, me, me” morning. I think I had just said something about that selfish attitude to my daughter recently… and here I was doing the same thing. It was a MEGA whine fest and I have no idea why.

That’s the hardest part.. acknowledging the problem. Now that I know I’m being a whiny baby, I can quit! It really is that easy. That’s all it took to turn me around to thanking God for all the blessings that I have in my life. I started out by squashing all my excuses as I was looping back around to my street again. My leg hurts? but thank You for letting me be able to walk. There are ants on my porch? Thank You for my home. Thank You for my homeless cat that’s eating the cat food on my porch as I walk by my house. Thank You for my aching back and feet and muscles that already feel better after getting out here to walk with You. Thank You for the grace that I needed to be able to skip my blog post and not feel guilty about it. I needed that. Thank You.

To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement. What was all the mental whining about? no clue. It was completely unlike me. Like any good parent, God let me whine myself out and was there to get me back on track. The most horrible thought of my excuse filled morning was when I thought about all the grace God gives us. Over and over and over. What if Jesus had woke up with an excuse or 50 and decided to be human and not die for me. Or, what if God changed his mind because all of us whiny babies aren’t worth His son’s life.

The rest of my walk was very humble. I appreciated all of it. I turned my “me” focus off and praised God for everything that He is and everything that He will be.

My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet when I was a kid. It said “the devil made me do it!”. Sometimes when I’m feeling so out of character, that’s all I can think of. I’m not a whiner. I don’t enjoy complaining. I don’t even know where the flood of excuses came from, but it was like a tsunami. I’ll be keeping an eye on my excuse meter and I won’t be blaming the devil because I won’t even give him a foothold on my life. No more Excuses for me.

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The 2nd thing.

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 306

Miles walked: 840

Miles remaining: 160

Days remaining: 60

There are 2 things that are the hardest for me to leave with God. I keep giving them to Him over and over but I keep taking them back when I think I need to “control” them. I know.. “The things you worry about the most are the things that you trust God with the least.”

You know what my #1 is.. I’ve said it before and I know I’ll say it again. The thing I worry about most is my daughter (my chickie boo). The worry about her is just generalized. Parenting worry. It’s not that I don’t trust her to God, but I do worry about her and the decisions that she makes. I’ve gotten much much better though! I spend a lot of time in prayer about her and I know that she’s a good kid. I still can’t help but worry when I know she’s out with a group of teenagers… maybe it’s Them that I’m more worried about. I just know that it’s hard growing up and resisting the things that “everyone” else is doing.

The 2nd thing that I worry about most, embarrassingly enough, is money. I hate that I have to admit that, and I don’t worry about it in the sense that I need more and more and more.. but I worry about the long term security part. The part I worry about is knowing that I will always have a job that will support my household.

I hate how that sounds.

Let me explain.. A few years ago, we had some stressful times at work and my boss thought about closing.  He even said the words, “We’re going to close the office”. I literally had panic attacks. I felt like I was getting divorced all over again only this time it was from my job. The thought of going out and finding another job was just horrible. I’ve worked for doctors long enough to know that there are a lot of bad doctors to work for and only a few good ones. Some doctors are great at what they do but not great at being a boss. I just didn’t want to get stuck in a bad job after working in a great one for the last 5+ years.

That sounds a little better than just worrying about $$. I’m mostly worried about job stability in the quickly changing healthcare world.  AND obviously we didn’t close the office but it’s a thought that stays at the back of my mind.

Occasionally, a new healthcare law will pass that is going to effect insurance reimbursement or independent physician offices and my boss mentions that he doesn’t know how much longer we can do this. Every time he says those words, that thought moves back up to the front of my mind.

I have to be able to support my daughter, me, the cat, the dog, we have a house payment, a car payment, we kind of like electricity and water.. and food is on the list of important things that I need to be able to provide. I haven’t found a money tree that actually pays the bills yet and so I get a little worried.

We all know the verse… For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.~Jeremiah 29:11 In fact, I love the verse because it calms me when I start worrying about that whole job security thing. I’m sure that I’m not the only one worrying about this lately. Unemployment is not a fun thing.

I know you know what I did to help me with this 2nd thing… I repeated this verse for many many miles. I walked, and I prayed that God would be with me in my job and when or if it ends that He would lead me to what’s next. It still isn’t ending (yet) but a couple things has happened.

1) I started liking my job more again. I’ve always liked my job but I was feeling burned out and I wasn’t feeling as connected to my work as I used to. I was feeling like I’ve been doing this for 20 years and didn’t know how much longer I wanted to keep doing it.

2) God started a new path. It’s a path that I can start on now and keep working on until my boss decides that he is ready to close up the office. The new path is my “a future and a hope” that God has promised me.

There is a 3rd thing that I worry about… change. I hate change, but who doesn’t. We’re working on that too. We’re jumping in with both feet and tackling it head on! I can’t sit back and wish for a future if I’m not willing to grab hold and make it happen. We won’t focus on the 3rd thing though.. it’s just part of the process!

Call me crazy but just knowing that there is a plan for my unknown worries is somewhat comforting to me. Taking the step towards that plan and putting it into action is a whole other story but He’s there. God is there seeing this and every other thing through. He’s there to take care of my 1st thing and my 2nd thing for me because my worries won’t change a thing. He’s got this.

Seriously… He’s got this.

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I am ___________.

God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM…. ~ Exodus 3:14

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 292

Miles walked: 777

Miles remaining: 223

Days remaining: 74

I am __________. That’s a good fill-in-the-blank question, right? There is such an emphasis on labeling in our lives. Everyone labels every thing. We label ourselves, our friends, family, enemies, strangers, etc. We label the things we have no business labeling – people.

In a word, what am I? I could give you about 50 words maybe, but in one word… I am-.-.-.-.-.-determined. I guess that would be best since it can cover everything. I know, it’s kind of a cheater word. If I would choose to be “nice, funny, friendly, caring, awesome, happy, giving, compassionate, faithful, sometimes lazy, trustworthy, punctual, sincere, yada yada…” then I would be limiting myself. Since I am determined, then I am determined to be all of those things to the best of my ability. I won’t let one word label me, because I am so much more than that.

When I was a kid, I remember my dad encouraging me to be honest and strong. He showed me how to be those things. They are definitely at the top of my list if someone would ask me to describe him. My mom encouraged me often to be nice and polite to others. Those labels start to describe her as well. I think that I encourage my daughter a LOT. I hope I’m encouraging her in the same things that my parents encouraged me but I feel like I’m encouraging her to be so much more. She is truly amazing and I see so many opportunities for her, so I don’t want to limit what she can do or where she can go by giving her a label.

We’ve talked about Taelor’s friends before and you know I’ll talk about them again, 😉  because we have teenagers come in and out of our house and they have no self-confidence. They don’t think they can do simple things, so they sure don’t think they can change the world or any of the things that I encourage Taelor to shoot for. They’ve been labeled. I’ve heard some of the labels that their parents and friends have given them. My blood is boiling just thinking about it… Dumb, stupid, lazy, fat, ugly, worthless, a mistake, a waste of space.

Yeah. It almost leaves me speechless… almost.

Once you’ve been labeled, you carry it with you. You might carry it for days, years, or maybe forever. You either keep believing it or you have to outgrow the label. You have to prove that you’re not that thing that you have been believing for so long. So, years after being a label, you might be an adult that is still trying to overcome it. I have one that I’m trying to overcome. It’s not even a bad one but it’s one that I can hide behind and blame things on. I am shy. I am. I have been my entire life. I dread talking to new people. I really dread going to big public things. I don’t enjoy it at all. I can keep limiting myself and hiding behind the label or I can kick it.

I don’t want to be shy anymore.

I don’t want to use that excuse anymore. I don’t want that word to define me. I’m lucky that one of my worst labels is “shy” and not something more. But I’ve used it long enough and it’s time to break the label. I’m turning a new chapter in my life and there isn’t room for shy. I don’t want to be an adult that’s hiding behind something that I’ve been labeled since I was a kid. I really was shy. Very, very shy. But, I don’t have to be. I’m going to start with baby steps but I want to kick the label.

What’s your label? Fill in the blank… I am _________. Are you carrying around a label that you’ve been given or have lived with all of your life? Are you ready to kick it? Have you labeled someone else? Do you need to take back some labels that you’ve given to someone else so they can move on to something more?

Seeing kids that are growing up with so many labels, I want to be very careful with what I might unintentionally label my daughter. I don’t like to talk when I’m upset because I don’t want to say something that I don’t mean. Of course, I am human and I have said some things when we have had our mother/daughter disagreements. Things that should never have been said. I hope that I’ve remembered to apologize for all of those things because I would hate to be the reason that my daughter thinks she can’t do something, or can’t be something.

Taelor is absolutely 100% amazing.. she shows me this more and more every day! I am so privileged to be her mom and to get to see what she is capable of and where she’s going. I can’t think of anything that she couldn’t do. Some things may be better life choices than others but she has the potential to change the world – one person at a time. A couple years ago, she told me that she was going to do just that.

If I had to give her any labels, I would make her determined too. That’s what I would want her to be, so she can be determined to be the best that she can be at everything!

The verse up top, Exodus 3:14 – Wikipedia says that it literally translates as “I Will Be What I Will Be”.

I like that. I will be what I will be.

I think I might pick a new label.. I will be a limitless possibility! What will you encourage others to be… what will you be?

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20 seconds

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 285

Miles walked: 761

Miles remaining: 239

Days remaining: 81

20 seconds. Courage. Bravery…  If you go to LifeChurch or watch online, you know what I’m talking about. 20 seconds of courage. 20 seconds of insane bravery to do something that could change your life forever. What would my 20 seconds be? 

To be honest, I’m not ready for my 20 seconds yet. 

Sorry, sue me.. I’m just not ready. I am working on it, but I’m not quite there. Yet. 

If you don’t go to LifeChurch or watch online, then you don’t have a clue what I’m rambling on about. But, the super cool thing is that you can probably still catch this weeks service online. Click it, see what time the next experience starts and don’t miss it! It will help this make much more sense if you watch it. 

So, the reason I’m not ready for my 20 seconds of courage is because I’m still doing the work

…“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you… ~ 1 Chronicles 28:20

I’ve been working on some of those Chazown spokes that I talked about awhile back. Specifically, the health stuff. This walk has been a huge help in that area. I was in terrible shape. My main form of physical activity was mowing my yard and a lot of times, it kicked my butt. I know what you’re thinking, so what did I do for physical activity when the yard didn’t need mowed? Not much!

When we started this walk, every mile was a struggle. The miles have gotten much easier. I remember huffing and puffing to finish a mile in the beginning and thinking that I might even have to call my daughter to come pick me up because I wasn’t sure I would make it home. I didn’t know how I would do it.. but mile after mile, it just got easier. Maybe because I kept doing the work.  😉 

Yes, I’m making progress on my health goals. I’ve started being much more diligent with my nutrition. I’m taking extra time off the couch and adding more on my nutrition and fitness routine. I’m getting there.. but I’m not getting there from the couch, or the computer. I’m putting in the work. I want to change and it’s my time. I know that if I want to encourage others with their health, nutrition, and fitness, then I need to be an example and do it myself.

Many times, we want to change something but we’re not willing to do the work. Yeah, that’s me to a T. I’ve been wanting to get fit for ummmm, well, probably 15+ years now, because my daughter is 15 and I know that I never got back into good shape after having her. I just wasn’t ready to do the work, and obviously it doesn’t happen all by itself. 

If I’m not willing to “do the work”, nothing will change. I won’t build stronger relationships. I won’t move ahead at work. I won’t get out of the debt storm that so many of us are in. And my Health? Obviously, I won’t make changes in your health unless I do something about it. Yep, it was time for me to do the work. It’s not easy and no one said it was going to be, but it will be worth it. Some days it’s hard, and it has been very painful but it will all be worth it in the end. 

 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. ~ 1 Peter 4:12-13

I’m amazed every day when I see things happen to people who are doing the work. Changing their lives. Making good choices. Taking control of their future and making it better, with God. Yes, with God. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – If God’s not in it, then it’s already failed. The best part is, whatever you need to change is ridiculously easier with His help. There is no way that I could be at over 750 miles if I wasn’t doing it with God.  Seriously.

The message this week at church was literally all over me from start to finish. (I hope you clicked above and watched it if you didn’t see it already!) It was encouraging, inspiring, and dead on for this place that I’m at in my life. Change.. lots of change, and some of it is slightly scary change. I’m good with “the same”, and I’m content with simple things, so this change that’s coming about is ruffling my feathers like crazy. 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

The first time I let this verse stir something in me was about 2 years ago. It hit me again on Sunday. New things are ready to happen. God is behind it and leading me to it. He’s been behind it the entire time, just waiting for me to get up off the couch and make the decision to do the work. 

I’m still walking. Still doing the work. This walk is preparing me for so much more. I never would have dreamed of the things that are coming about. But, until this walk is over – the first 1000, that is – I’m just not ready for those 20 seconds of insanity.. I mean bravery!

And for the record… I am NOT buying a Zoo!

Categories: The Journey to FIT, Walk with JESUS | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Top of the World!

I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around

Your love’s put me at the top of the world.

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 271

Miles walked: 710

Miles remaining: 290

Days remaining: 95

It feels good at the top. When everything seems to be going well. Things are good, easy, and enjoyable.. Life is moving by at a fast pace and there’s not much that you can even think to complain about. Not that I need something to complain about but are things going too good?

That’s how things have been feeling for a while. For probably the last month or so, things are good. I’m walking, working, living, and it’s just flashing by so fast that there’s not much time to think about anything. But there is something. I just don’t know what it is. I started noticing it in my LifeGroup when we would take prayer requests or talk about what’s going on in our lives over the last week. I didn’t have anything. Things are just “good”.

Don’t get the wrong idea.. I’m not that “doom and gloom” person who is always looking for the other shoe to drop. I don’t expect something bad to happen because things aren’t suppose to be this good. I’m a glass half full, everything will turn out good in the end kind of person. Things just seem a little off lately.

This week, it’s been hard to stay focused on my walk. No.. the focus has been getting hard for 2-3 weeks but this week it was down right impossible to focus. The walk. Jesus. Relationship. Communication. I can’t even tell you what most of my focus has been on. I even came up with a new “focusing tool”. When I feel distracted (which has been almost the entire hour that I’m walking) I think to myself, “every breath, every step, all day, every day”. That has been my request to Jesus to try to stay focused on Him and to continually seek Him.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. ~ Matthew 6:33 NLT

I got a text yesterday. It was an invitation to an impromptu girls night out to a neighborhood concert and fireworks show. I immediately accepted. This is actually unusual for me. I don’t accept on the spot without details and it’s even more unusual for me to accept from an unknown number that texted me. (Cell phone issues and lost numbers and all that.) So, after accepting this invitation and asking who was texting me, I find out that it’s girls night out with Kristen and Tasha.. my 1000 mile sistas!

There is nothing that I needed more than a night with my girls – My Godly Gal Pals, My Cupcake Companions, My 1000 mile girls.

We met and went for dinner. That alone is a blog post in itself, but it was awesome and so nourishing for the heart and soul. We talked about stuff and we talked about nothing and we talked about oxen.. There is no better time, than time spent with the other two legs of our tripod. The strength I get from our relationship is like that of the cord of three strands. The completeness that we each bring to the other.. is like the magic in Vicki’s Tres Leches Cake at The Purple Burro. You just have to experience it to know what I’m talking about.

After dinner, the trek to the neighborhood concert was another blog post in itself but once we got there and settled in, it was pure enjoyment. The music was fantastic. The atmosphere of the neighborhood was envious. So, why was I still feeling somewhat distracted? I was having a great time, with my favorite people, and spending my night “flying by the seat of my pants”, right?

Then it hit me.. like one of the BOOMS from the fireworks show. Everyone always says, “The devil gets you when you’re down”. That’s when we’re usually most vulnerable. Well, I don’t have too many downs so could he be trying to distract me while I’m up? In actuality, wouldn’t that be the better time for him to “distract” us? Things are good, so who would notice Satan creeping in to do what he does best. Distract us from what’s important – The walk. Jesus. Relationship. Communication. If he can’t bring us down – then his next best trick would be to blur our focus.

Yes, my focus has been blurred. My concentration has been attacked. I have been struggling to keep my mind where I want it on my walks. I’ve been struggling with focused thoughts to blog about. I’ve even been struggling to read my devotions every day. But “things” are still going good. There has been nothing that would make me think that I’m being attacked.. nothing except my inability to focus on what is most important. My relationship with God.

You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” ~ Genesis 4:7 NLT

Did it take a completely unfocused night of fun with my girls to bring me back in focus? Yes :).  I may have figured it out sooner or later but most likely later.. I probably would have started getting into a funk of a mood and wouldn’t know what was causing it or how to fix it until it just ran its course. That’s what usually happens. Looking back, that’s exactly what happens from time to time.

So, I will sing with my girls at 10:46pm to the “Top of the World”, while we’re looking to run into a McDonald’s for a $.27 cup of ice water. I will creep through parking lots with them to satisfy our curiosity, and I will most definitely cherish my unplanned escapades of seat of my pants flying silliness. Sometimes that’s what it takes to refocus on what matters most.

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I did it again..

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 250

Miles walked: 635

Miles remaining: 365

Days remaining: 116

I hate how when you say you’re not going to do something and that completely sets you up to do the thing that you’re “not going to do”. Yeah… so, of course I did it.

I made something “a thing”.

Something has been going on in my life that is taking up a lot of my time and energy. It has the potential to have me self-employed in less than a year, which is very exciting to me. There is a lot of talk, learning, thinking, planning, and living going into this “thing”. The thing is, I said that I wasn’t going to make it “a thing” that became part of some other things that I do. Crazy, huh?

I didn’t want it to invade some personal parts of my life. This walk with Jesus that has been a huge part of my life for the last 8 months was supposed to be off limits to this new thing. I didn’t want to make my walk less of a priority and let the new thing get out of hand. So, I’ve been doing a lot of praying that I keep it in check and for some serious guidance. It’s safe to say that my walk is AWESOME! It’s even come back around to where I want it to be. I feel God walking this walk with me and encouraging me to keep going and finish this walk so we can see what comes next. Of course He knows, but He hasn’t shared it with me yet!

The other thing that I didn’t want to affect is my Lifegroup. I didn’t want the new thing to become a topic or  to take away from the specialness of our group. Putting these words on paper actually make me feel a bit silly that I was so worried about “making a thing out of this thing”.

Now that I’m seeing and re-reading my words, I’m relieved. Those were the only two areas that I was somewhat panicked that my new endeavor would or could change. I have no idea how. I don’t even know what I was thinking but that’s been my worry for the last couple of weeks. This is a look back and laugh moment and also a thank the Lord moment.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~ Matthew 6:21

So… I treasure my walk with Jesus and the fellowship of my Lifegroup more than “this thing” that is happening in my life. That’s reassuring. It puts my mind at ease because I’ve been worrying about this getting bigger and taking over some of the most precious areas of my life.

And this worrying thing, which is something that I have almost completely given up over the last several months, has been all for nothing of course. Worry won’t help a thing. I know this.

We said in the beginning that we would be blogging about whatever we are going through at this point in our life. Well, this is it. Fretting and worrying about a possible business venture taking over and manipulating it’s way into the special places of my heart and life. Sometimes I think I should be medicated for being such a nut! (kidding)

Anywho, sorry to withhold the details of this new venture. You’ll be filled in when it becomes more concrete.. because, like I just said. I’ll be blogging about what’s going on in my life. I will say that I feel God’s hand in it. I feel His presence in the calming of my silly worries and guiding me to take the steps that I normally wouldn’t even consider taking on my own. It’s out of my comfort zone. WAY out.

So, that feeling of me standing out on the ledge, blindfold on, getting ready to take the step that might change the rest of my life… God’s with me on this. He’s in it… Body & Soul!

 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33

I think I’ll just let Him handle it…

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