What’s in a name?

Pam’s Journey – Day 98

Miles walked: 264

Miles remaining: 736

Days remaining: 268

Hi, my name is Pamala.. it means “sweet as honey”. Not sure how true that is but if you’ve followed our blog for very long, you would know that I’m the single mom of a 14 (almost 15) year old daughter. You would also know that Taelor is amazing, she is my life and my blessing. She brings many people into my life, whether I want them there or not. By people, I’m referring to her teenage friends, boyfriends, parents of these friends, etc… As the mother of a teenage daughter, I confess that in my opinion, the term boyfriend is synonymous with enemy. Enemy or not, she continues to bring them into my life.

Have you ever had a person come into your life and keep showing up again and again making it obvious that they were put there for a purpose? I’m pretty sure I’ve had that happen a few times and one of the most recent ones literally drives me insane.  Yep, you guessed it.. it was an enemy a boyfriend. You may remember some blogs about him awhile back.

I would love to say that I hear God speak to me on a regular basis but truth be told, I think I’m so busy over-thinking things that I probably can’t hear what He’s trying to tell me. I have only had a few things come to me so clearly and so opposite of what I would normally do, that I’m pretty sure He is raising His voice enough to get through to me. Example: On my last day of my recent vacation as I was walking my last walk on the beach, I asked a question that’s been buzzing around the back of my mind. “How many times am I supposed to let this person back into our lives.. how many times do I forgive him?”. He said, “Haven’t I already told you?” and this verse pops into my head.

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” ~ Matthew 18:21-22 NLT

This person  has stomped all over the boundaries of my trust and respect but I was told to forgive him. He knows God but he doesn’t walk with Him on a daily basis. He’s a little lost and doesn’t see every day as a do-over option. He wakes up to a lot of dark days and I feel that he was brought into my life or mine into his for a reason. He is so heavy with trouble and worry that he isn’t feeling the freedom that comes when you just give in and let God be in control. He’s trying to live the life that he wants to live.. not the life that He wants him to live.

I’ve seen God at work through him first hand but I’ve also seen him push God aside to enjoy the world that gives him pleasure for the moment. I’ve seen him manipulate and lie when it suits him and I’ve seen him praise God and try to be a better person until it gets too hard and he slides right back into the ruts of easiness, back into the fun of the moment, back on the easy road that his friends are on. The road that sooner or later is going to ruin him or take his life as it has taken the lives of some of his friends.

So, why can’t I just let this person go? Just let him slide out of my life.. I mean, because of the trust that’s been broken, Taelor is not allowed to leave my house with him or meet up and hang out with him. The only place they are allowed to be together at the same time is church. Because who am I to tell him that he can’t come to church? Why does he stay on my mind and in my prayers every day? Because God put him there. Nothing else can explain it so I’ll go with that.

Since there is something bigger than I know going on with this person and his place in my life, I forgive him. I pray for him every day on my walk. I continue to encourage him to make good choices. He’s lost. He’s not in the best family environment. He hasn’t had an easy life. He has had a lot of people taken from his life. He’s human… and I’m like a dog with a bone. I just can’t let go until it’s done.

What’s in a name? I never gave it much thought. I obviously didn’t research name meanings when I named my daughter. Taelor Shae (Tailor) means “to cut” and Shae means “adored”. I’ll buy the adored part but I’m obviously biased. Our God and Jesus has many names. To me, He is my savior, comforter, and my friend. He’s always there for me and He believes in me, even when I don’t.

Christopher.. this boy who has destroyed my trust in him, this boy who doesn’t know what plans God has for him, his name is Christopher. It means “bearer of Christ”. I would have to say that’s a little more impressive than honey! I’ve actually seen this person bring Christ to people. With a name like that, it’s no wonder I can’t let him out of my life until his work is done. I believe in Christopher, even if he doesn’t believe in himself right now.. and I’ll stay in his life (even through a zombie apocalypse if necessary!) until I think my job there is done.