lessons learned..

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 355

Miles walked: 999

Miles remaining: 1

Days remaining: 11

Would you believe that I’ve still been wondering if I’m going to finish my 1000? I’ve tried to keep on track and caught up when I got behind but until it’s done, it’s just not done. The last few days have even caught me being cautious that I don’t twist something or pull something that I haven’t already pulled because you just never know. Someone even said, “you’re as good as done”… No, no, no.. Not until I hit 1000 miles will this commitment be met.

Sometimes we do that though. We think we’re done and so we kinda quit. We quit trying. We think we’re “good” so we quit putting in the effort. That’s one of the lessons that I’ve learned on this journey. You’re never done, so don’t quit. Don’t give up on anything that God has directed you to just because it wasn’t as easy as you thought it would be. Don’t decide that you don’t want to put in the work, so surely it’s not what God had in mind for you. Keep at it… at least until God changes your direction.

I’ve learned LOTS of things about me in the last 999 miles. I’m kind of a nut, but I think I already knew that before we started walking. I’m a “prove you wrong” kind of person. Say I won’t and you can bet that I will! I’ve said that I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal.. but I’m really not. I’m a planner. No matter how hard I try not to be, I am.

I’ve learned that neighbors are more than just people that live on your street. Some of my neighbors (my new friends) have watched me walk this walk. I have several that sit out in the mornings and wave as I go by every day. They were there at first when I was walking in the really really cold – we’re talking 2-3 pair of pants cold…  They have seen me  walking in the rain, walking in some crazy heat, walking in the dark, walking with friends, and always walking with Jesus. They wave, they cheer me on, they have even visited with me and offered me a drink. They are people that I would have never met if I didn’t start this walk.

I’ve learned that when I think I can’t go any further, I can. A little more strength is just a prayer away.

I’ve learned that no matter how much you think you can’t live with missing some TV show that claims to be “reality TV”… you can. You won’t even remember that show that you thought you had to watch, but you will remember the walk that brought you to your knees because God was working so delicately on healing your heart.

I’ve learned that another mile might mean another blister on my heel but it will also most likely mean peace about whatever is on my mind.

I’ve learned that no matter how late it is at night, and no matter how early that alarm is going to go off to get up and walk in the morning, it’s totally worth being a little tired to lay in bed and catch up on life with my daughter if that’s what she wants to do. There is nothing more priceless than her wanting to tell me what’s going on in her life. Those are the times that we share inside jokes that no one else would get but us and we think we’re hilarious when we’re really just two peas in a pod. Those are the memories that I will cherish and smile about when I think of her.

I’ve learned that Thursday is the smelliest day to walk… trash day.

I’ve learned that people will doubt until the very end. I suppose it’s in our nature, or maybe it’s come to be in our nature because so many things aren’t a sure thing. I grew up with a dad that taught me that a man’s word is something you can count on. If he said he would do something, it was as good as done. I like that quality and will always try to live up to it.

I’ve learned that I can literally spend hours thanking God. Hours. The people that He has brought into my life are amazing. The things that He brings me through and the strength that he gives me to handle life is such a blessing. The obstacles that He places when I’m not quite ready for what I have planned for me,  but then He removes when I am finally ready for what He has planned is nothing short of perfect.

I’ve learned that I’m not the person that I thought I was. I had a list of things that I let define me.. I’m a woman, I’m divorced, I’m a 40-year old single mom, a tired out of shape couch potato, an office working, over-weight, shy, homebody with a bad leg that won’t let me walk for long without hurting, so why put myself through that pain for nothing, I’m an unfinished project with no hope of getting done. I could go on, except I’m not those things anymore. I let myself be those things when it was a convenient cover to shield myself from anything outside of my comfort zone. I have held myself back more than any other person could and it’s taken more than a few miles with God to break that shell.

I’ve learned that without that shell of excuses holding me down, I am strong, independent of others but dependent on God, fearless of failure, determined to succeed, courageous to conquer any obstacle that stands in the way of where He leads me, and I am His.

I’ve learned that I’m not alone, ever.

Stalling…

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 350

Miles walked: 980

Miles remaining: 20

Days remaining: 16

You may notice that I’m a couple days late with my blog post this week (or you may not have noticed).. anyway, I had a few thoughts of things to write about for Wednesday but nothing that would have gotten me more than a short paragraph probably. I mentioned to Tasha that I would be a day late, and now I’m two days late. She said exactly what I’ve been feeling, “The blogs are becoming so difficult to write”. I thought it was mostly me, but over the last several weeks they have become harder and harder to come up with something. I had the brilliant idea that maybe we don’t have so much to write about because we’ve given it all to God. I mean, we usually write about our life, troubles, trials, etc.. so if we’ve finally handed it all over to God and are just following His lead, then we aren’t letting it consume us and we don’t feel it’s a topic to warrant writing about, right? I hope that’s why it’s gotten harder to write… it’s either that or I’m just stalling.

From the decline of miles that I’ve walked the last couple of weeks, I would have to lean towards stalling. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to end the first 1000 miles, because I haven’t “committed” to walk another 1000. I’ve said I’ll keep walking and I know that I will but this week, when I slowed down and took a couple of days off and slept later, it was so easy to just sleep later and get up and get ready for work. No Jesus time. I read my devotions but it’s not the same as being outside with Him. It’s not as alive.

As I’ve been dragging my heels and delaying the end of this walk, I started thinking of all the things that God has brought me to and through in just the last year. The strength that I’ve felt come straight from Him, just when I needed it. The love that He wrapped around me at just the right times. The forgiveness that He showed me so that I could show others. That was just during the walk. He knew that I was committed to 1000 miles and I have purposefully delayed other things until I finished this walk with Him. So, what might be waiting at the end of the 1000? I’ve been wondering that for months.

I can’t imagine that God would put me on this path, and be ok with me not finishing it. I can’t help but think that there has got to be a reason that he started me on this road and it’s up to me to see it through. He has a plan and I ask Him frequently to show me the way and keep me on track, so I need to quit stalling and get ‘er done!

I’m a sucker for seeing what’s at the top of the hill or around the corner, so I’ll keep walking with Him until I feel that He has a new plan for me. I’ll keep walking with Him until the things that I feel led to do are being done in His time and not mine. It’s so much easier when I let Him lead instead of trying to jump in and do it when I want.

I have hope… and He has my future.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Never give up

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 341

Miles walked: 951

Miles remaining: 49

Days remaining: 25

This week has been trying. If there was an obstacle any where near me, I seemed to find it. It’s been one of those times when I just wanted to stop. Stop working so hard, stop trying so hard, and just stop for awhile. I hate that feeling. I’m more of a “keep pushing, don’t stop, everything will work out if you keep going” kind of gal.

The “keep going” has been part of the problem. I wanted to finish my first 1000 miles before I took on anything else in my life that would interfere with it.  Then other things (life) started happening that were taking a lot of my time, but I was still determined to finish my initial commitment of 1000 before I really let them get too big.  Now that I’m nearing the end, I thought I could start concentrating on some other things. The more I concentrated on them, and the more time and effort that I spent on anything else, the worse everything was doing. It was starting to feel like a failure before I even got started. It felt like I was sinking… and I don’t do failure very well.

Then it hit me.. I guess I do fail pretty decent. What I don’t do well, is Give Up.  I fail awesomely well at times! I even fail hilariously well at some things! If you’ve ever tried one of my cooking concoctions, then you know what I’m talking about. My favorite failure of recent is a shake that I was making for the first time. It was supposed to be a mint chocolate chip Herbalife shake that my daughter and I had tasted, loved, and wanted to make it a regular at our house… Well. Measuring the mint extract didn’t work out so well for me so it was a little extra minty. OK, it was a LOT extra minty. HUGE failure! I’m telling you that it was an awesomely hilarious failure and we drank those super extra minty shakes in record time and then we renamed it the “Date Shake” because we had minty mouths the rest of the night!

What I’m saying is that even if you think you’re failing at something, it’s OK because chances are that you’re succeeding at something else. Don’t give up. Giving up means you start over again and again and that can be pretty exhausting. Just keep going through the failures. Laugh them off. Shake them off. I needed to remember that this week. Just keep going because your time will come.

for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again…. ~ Proverbs 24:16

I want to be an encouragement to others. I want my life to make a difference in the life of others. I even want my failures to be an inspiration if that would help another person. So, I’m going to keep moving and keep going. I’m going to work on me and seek God to guide me on the paths that He wants me to be on. Maybe some of the disappointment that I found this week is because I’m not on the path that God has planned out for me. I would much rather fail with my plan now that to miss the one that He has for me, because His is bound to be much better than what I can even imagine.

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. ~ Isaiah 58:11

I won’t give up. What ever you’re going through… don’t give up. Find a success in your failures and keep going, but never give up. 

Chasing IT?

Pam’s Journey ~ Day: 334

Miles walked: 940

Miles remaining: 60

Days remaining: 32

I went to the farm this weekend and had the best walk that I’ve had yet. I know, I’ve said that a few times over the miles but it is possible that they just get better and better.

I had a plan when I started out. I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile now but it wasn’t a practical idea for my walking route at home.. but it was perfect for the farm. I wanted to walk until I was done. I didn’t want to walk for an hour or so like I usually do in the mornings before work. I didn’t want to walk until I was kinda tired or until I decided that I needed to get home and get my weekend to-do list started. I wanted to walk until I was Done. Physically done.

Here’s the thing. During my walks, sometimes it takes awhile to get past “me” and on to Him (God). I get there but many of my walks are more about me than Him. It’s a human thing, and I know our gracious God is completely understanding of my attempt to dedicate time specifically to Him.. but many times I get lost in the world of things that I’m going through. He’s always there and I usually remember to ask Him to guide me through It, to be with me during It, and definitely to help me with It. IT? yes, IT. Everything. Life, Relationships, Jobs, Finances, Family, Friends, Pain. All of IT. Well, I wanted to get past all of that and just be out there walking.. me & God. No It.

So, I started out heading south like I usually do when I walk at the farm. The neighbor’s dogs joined me as I walked by. We decided to try the first mile that went east since I’ve never taken that road before. I’ve always just stuck to the cemetery road since it’s paved, but today called for some adventure. Especially since this road looked so inviting. It was sort of a rocky dirt road on a hill with trees lining and hanging over in places. That’s my kind of road… and of course, the thought of what lies at the end of such an alluring road. We went up the hill, through the trees that were shading the road, enjoying the break from the sun. We did a little looking into the thick overgrowth off the sides of the road, because you never know what you’ll find out there and then we topped the hill and found nothing. There wasn’t anything special at the top of that hill, past all the allure. And so back to the old cemetery road we went.

We headed south again, like usual, past the road that leads to my uncle’s place, past the cows that act like my biggest fans with all their hollering, and then I notice a cow in the road ahead. The dogs notice it too and they head out to it. So, I call them back fearing that they might scare it to the highway that I could see behind it. That’s all I needed, was to be responsible for a cow getting hit on the highway. We turn around and back up the old cemetery road we go… again.

There aren’t a lot of options on this road, so we take the road that leads to my uncle’s place. I’ve never considered taking it before because, to be honest, it looks like a boring road. It’s just the place where the doe crosses early in the morning. So, for lack of options, I take the boring road. There’s not much to look at, but then I come to a cross road.. except, the boring road is now lined with sunflowers and is climbing a hill. Well, you know me.. I’ve got to see what’s at the top of the hill! So, I pass up the cross road and keep going up the hill until I find.. a rock. That’s all that was at the top of that hill. Well, that and more red dirt road but the trees and the sunflowers were gone. It was just a road. With a rock.

That’s about when the neighbor, and owner of the dogs, showed up. He loaded them up and took them back home so I could “enjoy my walk”. I was loving this walk, and loving all the things that I was seeing. I saw a lizard, a road runner, some doves, a scissortail, several cows of course, and a rock. The smell out there is amazing. It smells green. That’s the only way to describe it. The sun was hot, the roads were dry and dusty, and everything smelled green. It was awesome.

Now that I don’t have the dogs leading my way, I turn away from the rock and head back down the hill on the boring road. The boring road with that cross road that I mentioned earlier. Looking down the cross road, and knowing that I’ve found a lot of nothing on all the other roads that I’ve tried today, made me wary of the nothing that was most likely waiting for me down this road too. It was a road that didn’t look well traveled. There were weeds growing down the middle of the road and it was more narrow than the other roads. Trees lined the road and hung over, just like those roads that I love. The ditches were very over grown with trees and weeds and it felt like they were towering over me as I started walking down that road.

All of the crickets and locusts that had been part of my walk before seemed to quiet down. The dogs were gone. There wasn’t any wind. It was quiet and calm. It was me & God.

There was nothing else to think about. All of “me” was gone. I was a little shocked that I was still walking because my mile tracker had just told me that I had already walked over 5 miles, but it felt like I had just started. That road out there in the country, that obviously isn’t traveled much, was the best road that I’ve ever been down. We get so busy trying to see what’s at the end of our roads that we don’t enjoy “the road”. God wasn’t leading me down the road to see what was at the end. He just wanted me on the road.

That road ended too, and I circled back around to the old cemetery road and headed back home. I never could have walked that far on my own, so it’s a good thing that I got past “me”, because I needed God’s help on the way back. Five miles of me chasing IT, 1 mile of just being on the road that God wanted me to be on, 2 miles of awe at that road that I just walked, and 1 mile of a lot of leaning on God to get me back home = my best walk yet.

The distance we’ve come in the time that we’ve walked is immeasurable. ~ Tasha & Pam..

Done. I was completely Done… and it was awesome.